Protection

Protection
————-
.
miracles do occur
when you believe
.
the day has come
i believe in you
relentlessly
.
now it’s your turn
to believe in me
.
.
.
after you left,
i remembered how to
make love to you
without speech
.
& put it into practice
didn’t merely preach
.
just as you did at will
i did and will
.
i know you felt me and
i feel you still
.
.
.
i didn’t blow them off babe
i remember every word
.
stored every intimacy
every precious shard
deep inside my heart
.
read between your lines
while tangled in your vines
& loved both of you
.
the hidden and
the opaque
.
the real
and the fake
.
equally desired
equally forgiven
.
equally accepted
equally given
.
barely concealed yet
seldom revealed
.
i remain proud of your truth
will tolerate the lies
.
because i remember how you said
they slay you inside
.
for you are not a liar
and i know babe,
.
you are not a liar.
.
even though you lie
with the ease and necessity
of a teenage prostitute
.
desperate and
destitute
.
desecrating your body
abusing your youth
.
with the smile on your face
plastered in place
.
gorgeous and bold
marketed, and sold
.
young and old
.
lost and found
fixed and broken
.
oh yes i remember –
.
when there was no choice
and i had no voice
.
.
.
i cannot count my errors
on my fingers and toes
and i’m so sorry i hurt you
.
but i must explain why
for the first time ever,
i provoked you
deliberately.
.
you sent me for help but i
didn’t get what you hoped for
.
i merely got great advice
for the wrong situation
.
made the mistake of listening
.
to the opinions, doubts and warnings
of smart, righteous people
.
courageous, intelligent people
.
well-meaning people
.
who might know each of us
but don’t know -us-
they never knew us
.
i thought they did
.
but no one does
.
and in many ways i now know
they don’t know you
.
and their smart, righteous words
set me further down the wrong path
.
a craggy, rocky, treacherous
path of unnecessary and
cruel provocation
.
of investigation
that is completely against my nature.
.
you didn’t deserve it, babe
you deserve protection
.
there is no greater injustice
than having to protect yourself
from those who you love
.
as equally you do
from those who despise you
.
i want to lift that burden
i want to prove
.
you don’t have to protect
yourself from me.
.
the only way i can do that
is to gaze upon an
unnamed, unsaved,
unsent file
and press delete
.
done,
as i have always done before.
.
and hope you choose to see
that i will continue to
learn, grow and change,
faithfully
.
the flower blooming
in adversity
.
even if it kills me
.
and that, as ever, i choose
your protection
above my recognition
.
above my reputation
above its restoration
.
amongst those who
should equally love me
but who scorn me
in disbelief
.
in their practiced
skepticism
.
in their natural
criticism.
.
.
.
i will wear the damage
wrought by my truth-telling
on my seasoned chin
with chagrin
.
.
.
what we were
we deeply, truly
still are
.
.
.
just as the answer to the
first question:
i need you just as you need me
so please rebuild the bridge baby
.
when you do,
you will find me as
we both know i am
.
sweet, soft, gentle
loving, loyal –
dedicated for life
.
your joy, your refuge,
your secret, your sanity,
your hope, your confidante,
.
your consort, your wife.
.
.
.
your past and
your future.
.
.
.
i will never be your enemy
even if you shun me
.
.
.
i choose protection
.
.
.
[end/arken2016]